


sunflowers, sometimes

by sunfreckled



Series: against the odds [2]
Category: Dota (Video Games) RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23609659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunfreckled/pseuds/sunfreckled
Summary: Wherever Johan went, Séb would follow. Whatever he wanted, Séb would try his hardest to give to him. And the reason behind it, scared him more than anything.During the main stage of The International 2018, Sébastien realizes that his feelings for Johan have never really beenjustplatonic.
Relationships: Ceb | Sébastien Debs/N0tail | Johan Sundstein
Series: against the odds [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726858
Comments: 9
Kudos: 4





	sunflowers, sometimes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lustig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lustig/gifts), [wordsofhoney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsofhoney/gifts).

> I did not expect to find any OG-related fics from here, with Séb/Johan pairing no less, and so finding you guys' fics was a very happy surprise. To express my gratitude for your amazing works, I decided to write you a little fic. I hope you enjoy it! x
> 
> (Title is from _Sunflower, Vol 6._ by _Harry Styles_.)

“2-0 against VGJ.Storm!”

Cristian’s roar elicited a couple of chuckles backstage, the air still buzzing around them from all the adrenaline. They had won their first upper bracket match – 2-0’d a team that had finished first in their group no less – against everyone’s expectations.

Sébastien couldn’t quite wrap his head around the whole affair, not yet. The road from Open Qualifiers to the main stage of TI8 had been intense, to say the absolute least, and there was still so much to come. The team was brand new and still adjusting, with a rookie playing mid and a coach playing offlane. How they kept on going forward, Séb did not know.

As the team made their way to their lounge, Sébastien took the time to assess each of his teammates.

Topias was walking beside Jesse, the two Finns deep in conversation in their own language, a carefree aura around them. The older player had his arm around Topias’ shoulders, a grin on his face bright enough to blind a man. Ever since Topias had joined OG, Jesse had taken him under his wing, guiding his new baby brother through the hurdles of pro-scene of DotA. There was no doubt the two shared a strong bond, they shared a home country, after all.

Ana followed Cristian, quietly listening to the man’s excited speech. His face did not reveal much to the untrained eye, but Sébastien had learned enough about him to recognize that he was content. His shoulders were relaxed, his lips curving into a tiny smirk at times in response to their coach’s antics.

And then, there was Johan.

Normally after a victory, it was their beloved Captain who made the most noise, often clinging to his teammates in celebration. This time, however, he walked quietly beside Séb, the look on his face revealing that while his body was there, his mind was far away. And Sébastien was certain he knew why.

“It might be Secret we face, you know.”

Sébastien watched his words startle Johan out of his thoughts, brown eyes revealing every bit of emotion he was trying to hide. “They haven’t had the absolute best run here, but they had an excellent season.”

The pained expression that flashed on Johan’s face hit Sébastian harder than it maybe should’ve. He had always been sensitive to the Dane’s emotions, had always been very much in tune with him, but it felt different now. Ever since Birmingham, things hadn’t been the same. And after Paris, Sébastien didn’t know if they were ever going to be the same again.

A sigh left Johan’s lips eventually, “It’s going to be EG. I can feel it.”

Sébastien wrapped his arm around Johan almost instinctively, pulling the man closer. “I wasn’t aware you can see the future. So, what’s the verdict for us here?”

Something warm fluttered in Séb’s chest, when a small smile appeared on Johan’s face. He didn’t know anyone who looked as beautiful when smiling as Johan did; their little sunflower bloomed the prettiest. The way his whole face lit up, eyes crinkling in the most endearing way – he was gorgeous.

“It would ruin the surprise, if I told you. Patience from Zhou,” Johan murmured close to Sébastien’s ear, hot breath on the side of his neck making the man shudder. He had to force out a small laugh, not willing to let on how a tiny thing like that had such a huge effect on him.

_Screwed_, Séb thought to himself, _I am completely and utterly screwed_.

EG ended up defeating Secret 2-0.

The team had decided to watch the match together, as they would face the winner in the next stage of their upper bracket run. It wasn’t a fun, light-hearted night of watching DotA like it usually was, no. It was them waiting for a confirmation of the inevitable.

When the Ancient burst for the second time, Sébastien’s stomach lurched. He couldn’t deny that in that moment, all he felt was dread.

The room was quiet several moments after the game had ended. The silence was deafening, and Séb felt like his head could explode from the pressure any second. Nobody seemed to know what to say, all of them nervously waiting for someone else to speak up.

In the end, it was Johan who stood up and shattered the silence into pieces.

“We have a day to reset and get ourselves ready to face them. Let’s go get some sleep, we have a long day ahead of us,” he stated in what Séb called his ‘Captain voice’, sounding calm as ever. He patted Jesse, who had got up to stand next to him, gently on the shoulder before walking off.

Sébastien got up himself too, looking at his team, trying to look confident and determined. “You heard him. Sleep well, boys, tomorrow we’ll figure out how to destroy some more NA folks.”

On his way out of the room, he shared a brief look with Jesse. He tried to give him a reassuring nod, the worry looming on his face most likely making it less effective. After walking out, Sébastien did what he had always done best.

He followed Johan.

It didn’t come as a surprise that he ended up finding the man outside, standing on a balcony with a cigarette between his lips. It was a nasty habit, smoking, but it was a way for Johan to ground himself when needed. Sometimes, it wasn’t enough. And this seemed to be one of those times.

Wordlessly, Séb approached his friend, leaning against the balcony railing. The stars had come out, and Vancouver looked gorgeous under them. Although, even with his face rather stoic, Johan looked even more beautiful. Under moonlight, he looked like he had come straight from Sébastien’s dreams.

They stayed in comfortable silence, Séb knowing that Johan would talk in time. He reached up to pluck the cigarette from between the man’s lips, bringing it to his own. As he blew out smoke and stared into the night, he could feel Johan’s gaze burning into the side of his face. Sébastien didn’t smoke often, didn’t really enjoy the taste, but he would every now and then make an exception.

_Maybe_, a voice in the back of his mind piped up, _maybe that is because it’s the closest you can come to tasting him_.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to face him.”

Séb stumped the cigarette against the railing and threw it off the balcony. He turned towards Johan, whose face was finally breaking to reveal the fear and uncertainty lying behind. “None of us are.”

The truth was that while Tal’s departure hit Johan the hardest, it had left deep scars to both Sébastien and Jesse as well. They had talked about it once in Paris, just the two of them, quietly confessing it to one another after a night of drinking, when Johan had gone to sleep. They merely kept up appearances for the sake of their friend, who hadn’t only lost a Captain and a teammate, but a best friend.

A sigh left Johan’s mouth, and he pulled on his hair in frustration. “We can’t lose to them, Séb.”

The intensity with which Johan looked at him after shook Sébastien deep in his core, the tone of his voice nearly leaving him trembling. He wasn’t certain what EG were expecting from their upcoming game, but he was terrified for them.

“We won’t.” And he truly meant it, as Séb would move heaven and hell for Johan if he asked him to.

The realization had been slowly creeping its way through Sébastien, and in that moment it decided to finally deliver itself like a punch to the gut, leaving him breathless. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Johan; he could never deny him anything. Wherever Johan went, Séb would follow. Whatever he wanted, Séb would try his hardest to give to him. And the reason behind it, scared him more than anything.

“Promise me, Séb,” Johan pleaded quietly, and it felt like someone was trying to carve Sébastien’s heart out with a butter knife, somehow succeeding in the attempt.

Wrapping his arms around the Dane, Sébastien let Johan melt into his touch. “I promise.”

They stood there for a while under the stars, ignoring the ice cold wind that played with their hair. Eventually, to Séb’s dismay, Johan let go, and they both headed inside. Mumbling his good nights, Johan disappeared into his own room, leaving Sébastien standing alone in the hallway. But instead of retreating to his room, he headed towards Jesse’s.

After only three knocks, the hotel room door opened to reveal a tired looking Finn rubbing his eyes. “Séb?”

“Can I come in?” If Jesse was going to deny him entry before, he clearly couldn’t do it after hearing Sébastien’s troubled voice and seeing him nervously rub his neck. The man silently backed away from the door, letting him slip into the room.

The door fell shut behind them, and Jesse took a seat on the bed, lightly patting the spot next to him. Sébastien breathed in and sat down, running his hand through his wind-tousled hair before exhaling. The silence between them rang in his ears, Jesse staying quiet and waiting patiently for him to talk. Séb opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Licking his dried lips, he tried again, desperately trying to reach the words that were nearly on the tip of his tongue. “I think I’m in love with him.”

The confession left Sébastien shaking, breath catching in his throat. He felt like he was drowning and burning up at the same time, and it was agony. While he was gasping for air, a comforting hand gently landed on his back, rubbing soothing circles against it.

It took Sébastien some time to calm down, with Jesse’s light touches and gentle presence bringing him much needed comfort. And when he finally could breathe normal, he realized his teammate’s lack of reaction to his revelation.

“You knew.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Séb turned to face Jesse, studying the man, and waited for an explanation.

Soft laughter echoed in the otherwise silent room, Jesse smiling and shaking his head in what Sébastien could only assume was amusement. He ruffled Séb’s hair before speaking, something twinkling in his eyes. “I figured as much.”

“How long?”

“Ever since Paris. Perhaps even longer, but...” Jesse shrugged, his nonchalance making Sébastien’s head spin. He had known for months and said nothing. It was almost too much to take in.

It wasn’t that Sébastien thought his feelings were new by any means. As soon as he came to the conclusion that he had indeed fallen hard for his Captain, his closest friend, he realized it had been a long time coming. His feelings had most likely been planted the moment he met Johan and they had slowly started to grow over the years. Now, they were in full bloom.

It was that someone else had noticed it, earlier than he did himself, that felt odd to him.

“And?” Sébastien swallowed, his voice hoarse. Surely if Jesse had a problem with it, he would have said something already. But he needed to be sure, needed a verbal confirmation to know everything was going to be okay between them.

“And what?” Jesse asked, tilting his head in plain confusion, “Séb, come on. I just want you to be happy, man. You should know that.”

And so the dam was broken, fat tears spilling from Sébastien’s eyes at last. A surprised sob escaped before he could prevent it, his hands frantically trying to wipe the tears off, unsuccessful in the attempt. Soon enough strong arms wrapped around his body, and Sébastien let himself fall. He buried his face against Jesse’s chest, crying quietly as he listened to the man’s hushed reassurements.

“Let it all out. I’m here.”

Eventually Sébastien ran out of tears, feeling empty as he kept on holding onto his friend. Their bond from laning together carried outside of the game as well, and he wasn’t sure what he’d do without Jesse. An excellent friend, stellar laning partner and position 4, genius in his own right. OG would not be same without him. Neither would Séb.

“What am I going to do?” Tightening his grip on the edge of Jesse’s shirt he had clutched just moments ago, Sébastien bit his lower lip. He wanted Jesse to have an answer; he wanted to hear what he thought was the best approach going forward.

Sébastien closed his eyes as Jesse combed his fingers gently through his hair. “It’s not my call to make. But I think you knew that already. Just talk to him, okay?”

It took an hour for Sébastien to feel calm enough to finally take his leave, apologizing profusely for keeping Jesse up for much longer than needed as he went. Jesse, the good friend he was, brushed the apologies off, hugging him once more before retreating to his room to finally catch some well-deserved sleep.

Sébastien stumbled into his own room, absent-mindedly falling into bed. It didn’t take him long to pass out, all the crying having drained him completely. And during the night he dreamed of Johan, once again.

They took EG down 2-1. Not very clean, very far from it. Still, they had won.

Sébastien watched Johan slam his fist against the keyboard with force he had never seen before. The frustration he had bottled up was finally given an outlet, and Séb hoped that it was as cathartic as it looked. Johan deserved it.

Letting out an unintelligble noise, Sébastien turned his attention to the closest teammate, hugging Ana tightly as he joined the chaotic celebration the booth had erupted into. Their victory felt like a fever dream, and it probably would for quite some time afterwards. 

He ended up finding Johan next, taking a hold of his face, hugging him afterwards. The hug felt somehow lacking, like Johan wasn’t really there, but Sébastien understood the inner battle he was going through right that moment. He kissed Johan’s hairline, squeezing him gently, before letting go.

Shaking Tal’s hand after Johan, Sébastien felt invigorated. He resisted the urge to not shake his hand at all, opting to squeeze it just a little too tight. 

_This is what you get, bastard_, Séb thought, _get fucked_.

He paid little to no attention to the other players of EG, simply shaking their hands and walking to Johan. The look on the Dane’s face told him more than any amount of words could, and so Sébastien flung his arm around his shoulders, letting a grin fall on his lips. Johan’s hand found the back of his neck, and the squeeze sent shivers all over Séb’s body.

In the corner of his eye, Sébastien noticed Tal in the distance, eyes locked on him and Johan. And so he brought the man closer, sending a final _fuck you_ to Tal in his mind.

“We did it,” Johan breathed, staring straight into Sébastien’s eyes. 

Slowly leaning closer to his ear, lips nearly touching the skin, Sébastien reminded him, “I promised you, didn’t I?”

He could feel Johan’s body tense for just a second, before a wonderfully bright smile curved on his lips. The brown of his eyes became softer, if it was even possible, and the sweetness of the look Johan gave him nearly knocked Sébastien out cold. He looked so happy, happier than he had looked in a while.

“That you did. Thank you.” The sincerity in the words made Sébastien’s heart ache, in the best way possible.

The pair was soon joined by rowdy teammates, loudly celebrating their victory over a team dubbed as their nemesis, and the rest of the team followed moments after. Sébastien got separated from Johan when Charlie came up to him, scooping his older brother into a bone-crushing hug.

“You did it, _grand_ _frère_. I am proud of you,” Charlie declared, and Sébastien clung to him as tight as he could. His head was swimming, all the emotions making him feel dizzy, adrenaline still rushing through his veins.

They ended up celebrating in Johan’s hotel room, just with the team. The next day they would face PSG.LGD, a terror of a team, in the upper bracket finals, but they opted not to think about it just yet. They would celebrate now, think about the game to come a little later.

There was excited static in the atmosphere, as they went through the three game series they had come on top of. Laughter filled the room as they recalled the best moments from all of the games, Johan and Jesse laughing the loudest of them all. Topias got showered with praise for his excellent performance on game one, and they all expressed confusion and pure awe in the way they had managed to turn the third game around.

As the night went on, the excitement started to turn into exhaustion. The day had been incredibly stressful and rough for all of them, so it was no surprise they all felt incredibly drained.

Slowly, people started to trickle out of the room. Mia left first, followed by Cristian and Charlie. Topias and Ana followed not too long after, leaving only the three musketeers of OG behind. They were the ones who had been left behind before, the ones to scramble together a team when it had felt utterly hopeless. Three veterans, three friends.

“It still feels unreal. Almost like this is a dream, and I’m going to wake up any moment now,” Johan mused quietly, eyes starting to show how tired he was. Sébastien nodded in silent agreement, Jesse too.

“I knew we could do it. We can go all the way.” Ever optimistic, Jesse grinned at them with all the confidence in the world. Séb snorted quietly at his words, not disagreeing though. After their convincing upper bracket games against tough teams, he had started to believe, too.

They stayed in silence for a couple of moments, all deep in thought. It was likely that they were all thinking about the same thing, or at least something very similar. They had proved themselves today, proved that despite their old Captain not believing in them anymore, they could achieve greatness together. Silencing the doubts in their own minds was much more important than silencing the doubters in the community, but doing both was going to be incredibly rewarding.

“Alright boys, I’ll head to bed. Behave yourselves, and don’t stay up too late.” Sébastien cringed at the way Jesse winked at them, their eyes locking for a moment. He was quick to break the eye contact, knowing what Jesse was trying to message to him with it.

_Now’s your time, idiot_, he seemed to be saying, no words needed.

When the door clicked shut behind Jesse, Sébastien weighed his options, eventually turning to look at Johan, who was staring right at him with one eyebrow slightly raised in curiosity. “What was that all about?”

_Thanks, asshole_, Séb cursed Jesse silently, and it was like he could hear obnoxious laughter taunting him in the distance. 

“Just Jesse being Jesse. You know how he is.” Johan didn’t look very convinced, but decided to just shrug and drop the subject. For the time being, at least. Sébastien shifted awkwardly on the bed he was sitting on, wishing he had just a tiny bit more bravery in him.

Silence landed upon them afterwards, treading on the line of uncomfortable. There clearly were unsaid things hanging in the air, and Sébastien was certain Johan could feel it too.

“You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you. For sticking around, I mean.” Sébastien’s eyebrows shot up at Johan’s words, eyes snapping towards the man. Before he could say anything, however, the Dane continued, “Tal and Gustav leaving could’ve been the end of OG. The chances of rebuilding successfully were slim at best. Still, you stayed. I cannot help but wonder why.”

Opening and closing his mouth while trying to catch words that were escaping him, Sébastien stared at Johan. What was he supposed to say to that? Standing up, he started to nervously pace in the room, losing a battle against himself in his mind.

“Unlike to some, friendship means something to me. I could never just leave like that.” Forcing the words out of his mouth, Séb wondered if they sounded anything else but absolute bullshit to someone other than him. They would not fool Johan, that much was certain.

“I was ready to quit. And yet, it was you who brought me and Jesse to Paris. It was you who gave me the idea to rebuild, the one who pushed me to try it. I was spiraling out of control, but it was you who fought the hardest to keep me from falling too far,” Johan insisted, voice thick with emotion, “so forgive me Séb, but I think you’re not telling me the truth.”

Sébastien stopped in his tracks, Johan’s words freezing him on the spot. He felt his whole body grow cold, shivers travelling all over his neck, arms, legs. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but no words came out.

Perhaps he looked as terrified outside as he felt inside, since Johan’s expression soon softened remarkably. Sébastien watched him take a few tentative steps towards him, gentle eyes staring at him, through him. Soon enough, Johan stood right in front of him, his hand reaching up to cup Séb’s face.

“Sébastien...” Johan spoke his name, so quiet and sweet, thumb caressing his skin in comforting circles. Sébastien leaned into the touch, closing his eyes for a moment, feeling a single stray tear fall down his cheek.

“I’m so sorry.”

There was no doubt that Johan already knew, but Sébastien couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. They burned in his throat, desperate to get out, but he swallowed them down despite the pain. Instead, he begged for Johan’s forgiveness, bracing himself for the inevitable rejection and heartbreak.

As long as Johan would still let him be in his life, Sébastien would be okay.

“Oh, Séb,” he heard Johan exhale tenderly, “I don’t know what is going on in that little head of yours, but I do know that you have nothing to apologize to me about. Do you hear me? Absolutely nothing.”

Cracking his eyes open, Sébastien looked at Johan who was still holding his face, the warmth of his palm radiating against his cheek and melting the cold away. Sébastien’s heart was racing, beating so hard there was a chance of his ribcage breaking under the pressure.

“How long have you known?” Sébastien choked up the words, his voice nearly betraying him.

It was crystal clear now. Johan knew about his feelings, just like Jesse had, but the question of how long he had held that information remained. Had he known as long as Jesse had? If that was the case, why hadn’t he said anything before?

“I think deep inside, I’ve known for a while. But it only dawned on me today, after the game,” Johan explained, his voice not wavering even a little bit. Sébastien could only wonder how he was able to keep himself so calm and collected. It was really admirable, and Séb could only wish he possessed such an ability as well.

“What are you going to do now?” Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Sébastien stared at Johan, anxious to hear his response. There was nothing that could have prepared him for the words to come, however.

“First, I think I would like to ask you to kiss me. If that’s okay with you, of course.”

Mouth falling open in sheer shock, Sébastien looked into Johan’s eyes, searching for a sign of... something. Anything that would confirm that the man was only kidding, that he would soon burst into laughter and announce it was a big prank all along, and that Sébastien was a fool. But all he found was sincerity instead.

“You know I cannot deny you anything,” he mumbled as the initial shock faded and took the leap he should’ve taken ages ago. Leaning forward, Sébastien’s lips found Johan’s, and he kissed him slowly, eyes fluttering shut.

And Johan, who had every opportunity to push Sébastien away, kissed him back.

Kissing Johan felt just as amazing Sébastien had imagined it to feel, if not better. His lips were soft, the taste of him sweet. It was overwhelming to be so close to Johan; he could feel, smell and taste him all at the same time. The scent of Johan’s regular cologne – Sébastien’s favourite – lingered thick in the air, and it felt so right.

If heaven existed, Sébastien must have found out what entering its gates felt like. It certainly wouldn’t be worth it, if it didn’t feel the same as kissing Johan did.

Johan was the one to eventually break up the kiss, him pulling away causing Sébastien to let out a pathetic whine. He leaned forward to capture the man’s lips again, only for a brief kiss, before letting them both breathe. As he looked up at Johan, their eyes locked instantly, and they both let out a breathy laugh.

“I would like to hear you say the words.” Sébastien rolled his eyes at Johan, trying to calm down his irregular breathing and fastened heartbeat. He licked his lips, trying to savour the taste of the man he was certain he was deeply in love with.

Laughing under his breath, Sébastien shook his head and spoke quietly, “You’re going to be the death of me, Johan Sundstein.”

The wicked smirk that formed on Johan’s lips was more than enough confirmation. Sébastien knew he would end up regretting his words at some point, as true as they were, since there was no telling what Johan had in store for him. It didn’t mean he wasn’t excited to eventually find out, though.

They settled into bed soon after, cuddling under the soft, warm duvet. Sébastien buried his face in the crook of Johan’s neck, first pressing a delicate kiss on the skin, and breathed him in. As Johan’s hand found its way into Séb’s hair, he gladly leaned into the touch, nearly purring at how good it felt.

There were no more words exchanged for a while, them communicating only in small, gentle touches. Slowly, as time went on, sleep started to overcome both of them, the warmth of the bed and their bodies helping its case.

And just before falling asleep, Sébastien whispered the quiet, long-awaited words into the air. 

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> And there we go! 
> 
> My first fic featuring people from my favourite esports organization (#dreamOG) is done, and I'm quite proud of it. It didn't take me too long to complete, which is unusual, and I actually managed to finish it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading 🌻


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